You Will Not Disappoint Me
01/13/2015 10:21
“We are waiting for the Savior.” Such waiting is truly a joy to the righteous who are waiting for the hope of blessedness, the glorious coming of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ. “What am I waiting for,” a righteous man may ask, “but the Lord?” “I know,” he says, turning towards him, “that you will not disappoint me after such a wait as mine.”
Confidence. Trust. Hope. Joy. It is all matter-of-fact for this person. In his relationship with Jesus there is absolutely NO DOUBT that his Lord will come with merciful love and salvation. Wow! I read the words of Bl. Guerric and the joyful longing is contagious. “That’s how I want to be!” I say, and I am eager to wait upon the Lord.
And yet I have a certain character flaw, that without God’s grace I often wait in anxiety, even for good things, instead of waiting in hope and excitement. No one would necessarily notice this; it is a vice fueled by cultivating unspoken doubts such as: “What if things go wrong?” “What if I am disappointed?” “What if I am rejected?” “What if I am not worthy?” “What if I am mocked by others?” With this awareness I have to ask myself, “What in the world are you waiting for?” because it would seem that I am waiting for, and expecting, only disappointment, rejection, and mockery.
St. Benedict calls the monastery a “school of the Lord’s service” and so it is here I learn to serve and wait for the Lord in joy, hope, excitement, confidence, and trust. I learn this first of all from my sisters. Their fidelity to a life of charity is a mirror of Christ’s fidelity to us. Their steadfast and forgiving love allows me to learn trust and confidence. The daily practices of prayer, chanting the psalms, meditating on God’s word, all provide good fodder for my thoughts, replacing the habitual doubts that try to sneak in. And God’s ABUNDANT graces prove him true. Promising myself to Jesus at my solemn profession I had absolutely no doubt that my Lord was receiving me with merciful love and salvation. I could turn towards Jesus in full joy and confidently say, “I know that you will not disappoint me after such a wait as mine.” As St. Paul says, “hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us.” (Rom 5:5)